It’s Not a Relapse – I’m Leveling Up

Bad news.

I mean, good news?

Well, NEWS.

I’m going back to therapy.

I haven’t been in over a year, and I was irrationally proud of that. Like, “Look at me! I’ve been successfully handling life all by myself for a YEAR! Look, Ma! No hands!” (As I then hide in the corner and hork down a handful of pharmaceuticals).

I’ve been struggling lately, so I decided to go back. I was initially frustrated with the decision and told Andy that it feels like a relapse. “I’ve been off therapy for a year,” I said. “It seems a shame to break my record.” Like therapy is some illicit drug that I went to rehab for and am now one-year clean.

“You’re not relapsing,” Andy said. “You’re leveling up.”

Say what?

He went on to explain that when I first went to therapy, I was extremely suicidal and was literally trying to survive. This time around, when I’m not suicidal, I can work on Level 2 therapy problems, which focus on how to deal with life now that I’m committed to living it.

Look at me! I’m at Level 2! That sounds way better than “relapse.”

Super Mario Brothers is the only video game I’ve ever played, but I think level 2 is the one underground with the blue turtles, right? Yep – this one:

level1-smb1d

I get fireballs, y’all. Who’s gonna hate on Level 2?? I’m a brick-smashing, coin collecting badass.

So I contacted my dealer (oops, I mean therapist) and asked if she would see me again. She said yes. Phewf! So at least I’m not going to have to start over with someone new.

Bring it on, Level 2!

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2 thoughts on “It’s Not a Relapse – I’m Leveling Up

  1. I recently decided that I needed a DBT refresher. I felt just like you – I graduated six months ago! Why do I feel bad again now? Why is my progress going backwards?!? This shouldn’t be happening!!
    S reminded me, though, that this is part of the process. Everyone needs a refresher sometimes. If you haven’t cooked lasagna for a while, you might have to look back at the recipe, even if you used to make it all the time. But that doesn’t mean you suddenly got bad at cooking lasagna! It just means that you haven’t done it in a while and need a bit of help. Your lasagna will still be just as kickass as it was when you last made it, and definitely better than if you hadn’t looked for the recipe.
    Asking for that help isn’t a sign of defeat. It’s a sign of maturity to reach out BEFORE things go back to level one. Many kudos to you (from me, this community, and likely, your therapist). Xo

    Liked by 3 people

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