Everyone should have a dog. When you’re sitting and crying, your dog can jump up, put paws on both of your shoulders, and give you a look that says, “Suck it up. It’s Christmas Eve. You shouldn’t cry on Christmas Eve.” If you’re wondering, a beagle is the perfect sized dog for such comforting.
If you’re wondering why I was sitting on my kitchen floor crying, I’ll tell you. That’s not really the point though. The point is that it’s Christmas EVE, so it’s not too late to go buy yourself/a loved one/your boss/the mayor/random homeless person a dog for Christmas. I highly recommend it.
I was sitting on my kitchen floor crying because, even with all of my family in town, I felt very alone. My husband is working today. My sister hasn’t replied to my texts all week, even though I know she’s home on break at my parents’ house (ten minutes away), and she could come over if she wanted to. She’s been very weird around me ever since my bipolar diagnosis last year. I asked her about it once, and she said, “I just don’t know what to say…I figure if you ever need help you’ll tell me.” Maybe I don’t need help…I simply need a friend. I tried telling her that, but here we are months later and she still doesn’t talk to me unless she needs a paper proofread.
My brother used to be another one of my best friends, but he found a witch of a girlfriend a few months ago, and she immediately cut off his contact with all of his friends (I kid you not. A month or two after they started dating I asked why he dropped off the face of the map and doesn’t respond to my texts/calls anymore, and he said, “Oh yeah, about that…I’m not allowed to talk to you or a lot of my friends because Courtney doesn’t like it. Could you actually stop texting me please? She checks my phone, and I get in trouble if I was talking to you.”). Oooookay. Four months after they met, he proposed. So now said witch is going to be my sister-in-law, and she’s going to be at all of our family events this Christmas. Also, looks like I lost one of my best friends for…the foreseeable future? Forever? Around an hour ago he texted something like, “I love you! Merry Christmas!” and I thought, “Whoa! He texted me!” But a text quickly followed that said, “Uhh…wrong person, sorry.” Oh.
Last, my husband’s sister is in town from Boston. She used to be Andy’s best friend. In high school, you didn’t invite one somewhere without the other. Once she went away to college (she’s one year older than him), she kind of decided family was “so last year,” and has never been close to anyone in his family again, despite everyone’s attempts to stay in touch. We went out for dinner with her this week, but everything was so….shallow and awkward. It sucks. A long time ago, I was the one she called when she broke up with her boyfriend so I could be there with chocolate and chick flicks. She was in my wedding. Now she’s practically a stranger.
And I guess that’s why I was sitting on my kitchen floor crying – because family members are supposed to be your best friends, and mine simply…aren’t anymore. I know Christmas is supposed to be the happiest time of year, but for everyone out there struggling with Christmas cheer for one reason or another – know that it’s okay. You’re not alone in that.
Also, you should probably get a dog. One concerned beagle look and a couple of face licks later, I was feeling much better. Now I’ve gotta get back in there and make the rest of the food for our Christmas Eve potluck tonight.
Merry Christmas, everyone – especially to you blog folks who have showed me so much support that you’ve practically become family this year. I don’t know where I’d be without you. Thank you so, so much.