Donald Trump and Library Porn

I have never been so nervous to go to the library as I was this week.

I’ll tell you what I was there to get, but you have to keep it a secret.  Promise?  Pinky swear? (Everyone knows you can’t break a pinky swear – you get seven years of bad luck or you grow warts or something.  It’s unpleasant.  Don’t mess with pinky swears).

Okay. *deep breath*  I was there to get…

Books by Donald Trump.

WAIT! HOLD ON! Don’t unfollow me and threaten to burn down my house or dismember my childhood teddy bears!  I want to read his books because, like it or not, he is going to be our next president.  I want to read these books for the same reason I wanted to read The Audacity of Hope when President Obama was elected.  If someone’s going to be running my country, I would like to hear what he has to say.  I feel like that’s responsible.  Plus, how can I complain intelligently if I don’t even understand someone’s views?

Okay.  There’s my defense.  NOW you can unfollow me, but you don’t know where I live and also I’ve hidden my teddy bears.  So ha.

If you’re still reading, I will tell you about my library excursion.

Our country is oddly hateful of people who support Trump at the moment. I certainly didn’t want to be on the receiving end of this venom simply for checking out a library book.  It doesn’t mean I like him, people!  I don’t like him at all!  It means that I want to be an informed citizen!

I reserved the books ahead of time, so when I went in I could basically grab and dash.  I went to the shelf where the holds are reserved, and I immediately saw my books with a big label on the side that said, “HILLBORO.”  I quickly looked left and right – had anyone I know seen this?  Was anyone watching now?  I was alone.  Grab the books and run!  EEEEEEEEEP!

I grabbed the books but put the titles facing toward me so that no other library patrons would mistakenly think I’m a Trump fan.  Then I saw that there was “About the Author” picture on the back of the book.  Eeek!  There’s no escaping his ridiculous hair!  Quick!  Turn around a different book! Good news: the blue book had no picture on the back.  I put that one in the front.

I hurried over to the self-checkout so I would not have to admit to a librarian what I was reading.  I felt weird about being this shifty, like I was checking out porn or something.  This made me wonder – do they have porn at the library?  They sell magazines…can you check out a Playboy?  That seems pretty disgusting, but hey – it’s 2016.  We live in a weird world.  Our country just elected Donald Trump.  Library porn is pretty low on the list of global concerns.

I’ve checked out books on bipolar disorder a bazillion times.  I think I’ve probably had every library book on the topic checked out.  I never got all shifty about checking those out.  But reading up on the new leader of the free world?  How embarrassing!  Obviously that’s a dumb way to feel, but this is a mental illness blog.  LET ME FEEL MY FEELINGS!

Okay, so I was embarrassed about the book, but I did the self checkout and hustled out of the library like my coat was on fire (this is a phrase I’ve never quite understood, because everyone knows that if your coat is on fire you should stop, drop, and roll.  To clarify: I did not stop, drop, and roll with this book.  I left the library in a rushed manner).

Now I’m at home, and I’m getting ready to read my secret books that are so, so much less sexy than library porn.

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18 thoughts on “Donald Trump and Library Porn

  1. Librarians are not there to judge you. We are there to help you find what you want. I have helped every political and religious spectrum as a librarian and all I ever feel is curiosity as to who they are and what myriad of small circumstances lead to THESE books.

    That being said he wrote none of his books. Ghost writers through and through. Take what you wish from them, but authenticity will be relegated to some quarter thin film of illusion. I would recommend interviews. All of them. People where things on their sleeves and that is what is most telling to me.

    But I am not you.

    Enjoy your books.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Don’t worry–I don’t know how many books he had out there but he had ghost writers for them (or it). I think it’s important to try and understand the things we’ve confused by though–and this turn of events is certainly confusing…

    Liked by 1 person

  3. The public library where I grew up tossed a half dozen magazines like Playboy, Playgirl, and Hustler in the dumpster every month. Someone paid for them to get the magazines. But, they did not have an interest in them. Funny enough, they also had an “adult” room where kids were not allowed, so I thought as one that meant it was the porn room. Nope. Just books adults challenged as being bad for kids and instead of removing them from the collection, they restricted them to an adult room.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I loved your story. You have flair and a refreshing wit. Some librarians wouldn’t be so judgemental if they got their library to carry porn. I’m convinced!

    Like

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