Right now I’m watching a YouTube video of a screechy person opening troll doll toys. I’m sitting with my three-year-old niece, and this is one of her favorite “shows.” It’s not a show. It’s a person opening toys. The voice is…how can I describe this? Think of the high-pitched voice that people use when they talk to babies, but then raise it another octave, make it way too excited, and then put it on the living room surround sound.
“THE NEW TROLL DOLLS ARE OUT! AAAEEEEEEEE! WHICH ONE WILL WE OPEN? OOOO! LET’S LOOK AT THIS FASHION GIRL, WHO HUGS ALL OF HER FRIENDS EVERY HOUR ON THE HOUR!”
I’m sorry, are the excessive capital letters annoying you? I promise it sounds a thousand times worse if you’re listening to it.
Also, whose brilliant idea was it to make a character who hugs all of her friends every hour on the hour? If anyone tries to hug me at three o’clock in the morning, they’re probably going to get punched or kicked. Ask my husband if you don’t believe me.
Hold on, we have a new toy:
“WOWIE ZOWIE! LOOK AT THIS NEW NAKED GLITTER TROLL!”
To be fair, if my skin was glitter I would probably be naked all the time too.
I’m supposed to be getting work done right now, but I can’t tear my eyes off of this spectacle. My face is a mix or horror and intrigue. This video, my friends, has almost a million views. A MILLION. Apparently this is a whole channel dedicated to buying toys and opening them. This culture of three-year-old consumerism is completely new to me.
Oh no, the one year old is trying to plug the laptop cord into his mouth. Gotta go.
In case you want to view the horror for yourself, I’m putting the link here. Warning: if you open this at work, make sure no one else is around. Everyone who hears you watching this video is going to think you’re a freak.
CLICK HERE IF YOU DON’T VALUE YOUR EARS
Oh dear lord.
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Oh hell no. Wtf did I just watch?! This has a million views?! When reading this I figured it’d be like a young kid opening the toys, no this definitely a grown ass woman doing that voice. I watched 1 min of it and wanted to punch her.
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Sorry for the delay, but that comment made me laugh out loud. That is EXACTLY how I felt. Like, WHAAAAAAAAT is that??!!
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LMFAO. It’s all good. I couldn’t stand this, my child will NOT be allowed to watch these kinds of videos! Like noooo, wowie zowie bitch gets on mommies nerves.
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One day this past summer, I went into my bedroom for a “nap” and started watching some Monster High doll repaint videos. I fell asleep at one point and when I woke up, Youtube had moved on mysteriously to a channel featuring a 10 yr old (I’m guessing? That’s how old she sorta looked) who dressed in “baby” clothes, sucking on a pacifier. She called herself “Bad Baby Victoria” and spent the entirety of the video torturing her “babysitter” who was, in reality, her slightly older (or possibly younger, I couldn’t tell) sister by doing things like throwing rubber snakes at her, drawing on the walls and “peeing” all over the bathroom.
And there were I think over 100 videos in the same vein on this channel. I don’t know WHO the heck dreamed up this crap but I feel bad for the little girl playing Bad Baby Victoria because you KNOW the kids at school probably tease her for that junk. And who WATCHES that crap? Seriously? Who thought this was a good idea?
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I know – YouTube has really opened society up to a whole new level of stupid. And the thing about humanity is that PEOPLE LOVE STUPID. Grrrr….
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I turned my volume right down, opened the link and immediately started laughing. My stance on having a 3 year old and a 1 year old niece is that I love them and I’ll play with them and babysit them, but by the end of it all I am happy to give them back to my sister. Does that sound mean?
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Oh my word, not mean at all. I looooooove my nieces and nephews, but I always go home to my husband and say, “Oh yeah, I totally remember why we don’t have kids.” lol.
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I’ve never heard anything like it–it’s obscenely excessive and designed to make kids become good little consumers. Yucky!
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I know! And she was EATING IT UP like it was the most enthralling movie she’d ever seen. We’re raising a generation of weirdos.
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I love your posts! If your skin was all glitter….. you’d be a vampire starring in a Twilight Trilogy 😉
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Haha okay but did Stephanie Meyer copy Trolls or did Trolls copy Stephanie Meyer?? No way did two humans independently have that idea.
Although…a video on naked vampires would be so much more preferable to the naked Trolls, lol.
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My whole life feels like an episode of this troll doll opening.
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I opted not to watch the video simply because I can’t watch something so stupid as a show dedicated to opening toys. Some people are just pinheads. A seat for every ass, I suppose.
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Solid decision not to watch. I support that. It was probably more disturbing than most horror movies. 😉 What’s weird is that with over a million of views and hundreds of thousands of subscribers, you know this lady is making bank off of these ridiculous videos. We live in a weird world.
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