Before I Throw My Computer Out the Window of a Fifteen Story Building, Maybe You Can Help Me

I’m ready to throw my computer out a window.  It will probably be out of a building at least fifteen stories high, because it’s much more dramatic that way.  Throwing a computer out of a one story building would be very anticlimactic.  It probably wouldn’t even break.  It would land safely in a bed of fluffy grass and look up and me like, “Na-na-na-boo-boo.”  So I’m first going to have to travel to a large city, take my computer to the top of a tall building, and THEN throw it out.  Then it will shatter everywhere into satisfying pieces, but it also might injure some passers-by.  Then I’ll have to deal with the criminal charges and/or the annoyance of knowing that my computer used its last bit of life to ruin someone else’s day in addition to mine.

OR…you could help me, and then I can avoid the technologically murderous rampage I just described.

I’m relatively new to this blogging thing (this baby blog isn’t even a year old!  We’re still on milk over here – it doesn’t even sleep through the night).  I’m trying to figure out how to work some things on WordPress, and it, erm, isn’t going well.  If you are able to answer one of the following questions for me, you could possibly save my computer.  Also, I will open my window and yell to the neighborhood, “I LOVE (your name here) BECAUSE (your name here) IS THE BEST PERSON EVER!”  I’ll really do that.  Scout’s honor.  Or I’ll yell whatever you want.  Dealer’s choice.  I just have to figure this crap out.

  • How do I add a button to my page?  I’ve recently been accepted to the Bipolar Bloggers’ Network (cheer!), and I’d love to put a button on my page for that.  Also, I’d love to trade buttons with other bloggers (I was a trading card guru back in the day – ask anyone who knew me in fifth grade.  I carried my binder around everywhere like the supernerd I was).  Trading buttons is basically like that except for grown-up and less bulky.
  • How do I make a button to represent my page?  I HAVE NOTHING TO TRADE.  This is awful.  Do I have to be a computer programmer to do that?  I didn’t do so well in my computer programming class in high school…but at least I didn’t make out with the class computer nerd in the back of his car to get him to write my programs (my best friend at the time did that, which she still claims was a good idea because she got an A in the class.  I guess people have prostituted themselves for less.  Maybe).
  • How do I make it so that followers will receive e-mails of my new posts?  A couple of my followers have asked me about this.  I know that on some other blogs when I clicked “follow,” I started automatically getting e-mail updates when they posted.  I want my followers to get this too so that I can lurk in inboxes all over the world like the creeper I aspire to be.  I know people who specifically sign up for e-mail can get them, but people who click “follow” are not getting e-mails.
  • What if people don’t want me lurking in their inboxes?  Is it annoying if I have posts e-mailed to my followers?  How do you feel about these bloggers?  I’d feel a little spammy, but at the same time it’s like, “If you don’t like me, don’t follow me.  Retreat back into your mundane, Hazel-free life.”  I won’t hate you.  Probably.  And you won’t care either way.
  • Why is your blog so much cuter than mine?  I have one of the standard blog formats, but it makes my blog feel a little amateur-y (which it is).  I want to be a cool blog, like yours where your title is all decorative and cool, you have a bunch of buttons (see question 1), and your design looks so fancy that you probably made out in the back of a computer nerd’s car to get him to make that for you.
  • How do I convince my husband that he should let us get a pug puppy?  Okay, this one isn’t directly related to WordPress, but it is still VERY IMPORTANT.  I wouldn’t have these technological rage issues if I could go play with my puppy, so therefore it is related.  Also, I could maybe train her to moderate comments for me, which would be very cool.

pug

Please help me out with these if you can…remember, I’ll scream whatever you want out my window!  I’m that desperate!  I’d even scream”VOTE FOR TRUMP!”  (Please don’t make me scream that…I don’t want to get egged.  Full disclosure: I might whisper scream that if you make me do that one.  I realize whisper screaming is cheating, but I just admitted here that I would do it, so now you can’t complain).

Thanks in advance!

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13 thoughts on “Before I Throw My Computer Out the Window of a Fifteen Story Building, Maybe You Can Help Me

  1. I can answer two-ish of these. I received this post in my email as I do every time you post. I don’t find it annoying at all because I am the one that followed you. I’m not sure what non-wordpress people would do to get it in their emails though.

    The way you get a pug puppy is to explain how pug puppies are way cuter than parakeets and that you promise to not get a parakeet as long as you can have dat shweet widdle puppers.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh my gosh. Perfect questions…I don’t really have answers to. I have a lame blog theme and think everyone’s is better! I’ve decided for now that’s okay and am working on finding my voice and “meeting” people. Right now, I just copy the button from the actual BBN site and plaster it at the bottom of my post. I haven’t figured out how to do it permanently. Also, I don’t find the emails annoying either. I follow a few, get emails and am reminded to just check others. May not be the best preactice but I am easily overwhelmed. I’m a new blogger too, not even a year. Great idea to ask for feedback!!

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    • That’s a good idea…maybe I should work on my social networking more than my “look” at the moment. After all, my blog is really more about building community rather than being the next big thing. I just need people to make me feel slightly less nuts!!

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  3. I hope you get some assistance, and feel that you will. The blogosphere is a friendly and helpful place. Sadly, I can’t. I’m so old and fusty that, if I didn’t have a computer-literate daughter, my site wouldn’t have what little it does. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  4. If someone follows you, then they want to know about your posts. Don’t feel awkward for telling them.

    I try to give people a bunch of options for following me (facebook, twitter, email subscription, etc) so they can pick what suits them. Because, you’re right, some people don’t like emails. (I’m one of those people). So there are other options for them, and the people who do like emails can get the emails. And it’s up to them.

    The email thing should just be a widget that you can add. There are other widgets for other ways for people to follow you (e.g., facebook and twitter), but I ended up drawing icons and adding them as images with links to the relevant places (with either the image widget or the text widget).

    I don’t know if my blog is all that cute, but it took me ages to work out how to do it all. I married a computer nerd, but he’s not a web-design computer nerd. He’s more of a games-and-taking-computers-to-pieces-and-putting-them-back-together-only-better computer nerd. So all that making out in the car turned out to be for nothing and I had to teach myself web-things.

    Mostly I have been learning by trying things out to see what happens. And when I get confused about a html thing I go here. Useful for stuff like working out how to add images with links into text widgets and comments.

    The best way to convince your husband to get a pug puppy is to just get it. No one can reject a pug puppy to its face. They’re too cute and expressive. He would fall in love with it on the spot, and after a few weeks would probably think it was all his idea to get it in the first place.

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    • LOL! I literally laughed out loud that all your car making out was for nothing. Also laughed about the pug, because you are SO RIGHT. That’s what I’ll have to do, and I’ll credit you for it. My husband will think you’re so great. 😉 Good thing we don’t actually know you! Thanks for the tips – I will try those out, and hopefully my blog can have some changes soon.

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Someone else noted you can get people to subscribe via a widget. Widgets are how WordPress allows you to add features to the blog.

    Through the WordPress.com site, you should see in the left navigation bar Themes about halfway down with a Customize button to the right. Click Customize then Widgets. It should bring up a list of the locations where you can add widgets such as header, sidebar, or footer. The theme you are using will determine where widgets can go. Click the one where you want to add it, the Add Widget, and find the Follow Blog widget.

    The Follow Blog widget’s description is: Add an email signup form to allow people to follow your blog. Here is the trick, though, you have no control over it. If you are worried about someone signing up for it (one of mine has about 500 random email addresses that look a computer) and want to remove them, well, too bad so sad.

    If you are on your own hosting service, then you might install a plugin that offers an alternative email subscription that you could control.

    To add a button, add the Text widget and in the Content area for it, put the HTML code for the button. To create your own button, use something like Cool Text or Da BUtton Factory to make yours.

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  6. For most of these, go to the Widgets section in your dashboard (under Appearance in the menu) – there you can add images or html text of buttons, and follow me buttons and that sort of thing. And if someone signs up to follow then it’s on them if they get your posts emailed to them! I have a folder in my inbox where blog posts go to automatically, then I scroll through it every once in a while, I’m sure most people do something along those lines!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Hello!! Also, as far as receiving emails goes, that might be a setting the follower has to have set up in their own settings. Wow, that sentence felt like not a real thing!
    As for the pug puppy I can only say that about 2 weeks ago I had a dream that my twin sister surprised me with, not one but TWO pug puppies!!! It was only a dream, but it was AWESOME! Maybe tell your husband you had a dream that he surprised you with a pug puppy and it made me super super happy *cough cough hint hing*
    🙂

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