If You Send Me One of These Cards, I Will Punch You

I got diagnosed with bipolar disorder almost a year ago, and I can’t believe I haven’t received one single card consoling me about this.

Oh wait, yes I can, because greeting cards about mental illness are SUPER WEIRD.

I should have known this was a thing.  I really, really should have known.  Card companies make cards for everything!  I could probably find a “Congratulations to Your Twin Girls on Third Grade Graduation” if I wanted to.  But mental illness??  There’s a line somewhere, and this is over it. It would be like having a “Sympathy – Humorous” section in a card store.  It doesn’t belong.

Here’s the link (please don’t buy these) and a few of the best (worst?) ones. http://hopestreetcards.com.au/collections/all

hope-street-cards-mental-health-card-depression-these-things-solo_1024x1024hope-street-cards-mental-health-card-bipolar-mood-change-front_1024x1024hope-street-cards-mental-health-card-general-sick-brain_1024x1024hope-street-cards-mental-health-card-depression-existing-solo_1024x1024

If I got a mental illness card, I would probably open it and then look really confused.  I would look around to see if someone was secretly filming me (I frequently do this during “Is this really happening?” moments).  Then I would read the card and think, “Thanks a lot, you.  I was having a really good day.  Now I had to be reminded of my crazy, and also I have to absorb your sympathy at my plight.  I don’t want sympathy; I want to be treated like a normal human.”  Here are people who are allowed to treat me like a crazy person:

  1. My psychiatrist
  2. My husband, only when I’m being literally delusional.  And it will still make me mad.

You’re not on that list?  Then don’t buy me these freaky cards!  Even if you’re on that list, I don’t want the freaky cards!  I mean, WHY WERE THESE EVEN INVENTED?!

What’s next?  Hallmark might capitalize on it!  First they invented Valentine’s Day…then Sweetest Day…next we’ll have “Crazy Person Day.”  You can celebrate by watching Psycho and sending greeting cards to your favorite nutters.  Maybe on Crazy Person Day, you can have your copay waived for inpatient psychiatric treatments!  Can I request that this holiday also include candy like Halloween does?  Now there’s a good holiday, but what a shame that people aren’t allowed to celebrate as non-reproductive adults.  I may or may not have considered having a child to capitalize on trick-or-treating once again.  If we can just tack that on to our new Crazy Person holiday, then I can skip the inconvenience of labor.  I might even be okay with the people who made these strange cards.  Until then…I know I’m not normal.  If I’m not going to get candy out of the deal, please treat me like you’d treat anyone else.  If you’re a nice person, though, maybe you’d just give everyone candy.  My favorite is Sour Patch Kids.

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6 thoughts on “If You Send Me One of These Cards, I Will Punch You

  1. Crazy Person Day – I think a greeting card written in my own blood would be most impactful! I can’t believe there are actual cards out there. Let’s add to the stigma all in the name of making money, why don’t ya!.

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  2. Wow…umm yeah not sure how to feel about this card thing…on the one hand I can kind of see the good intention?…on the other hand…I can’t. This is a weird grey area and to be honest making Hallmark-esk cards that say things like “Sorry your brain is sick”…is like me giving someone a card that says “Sorry you have cancer”…I see your point here and I enjoyed the read…oh and I agree with your point of view…I tried to play devil’s advocate but as someone with Bipolar Disorder I would personally be weirded out by one of these cards.

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