Tomorrow I’m leaving for a camping trip in the Adirondack Mountains with a bunch of fellow teachers that I have never met (it’s kind of a long story…the teachers are not the important part). The important part of this story is that none of them will know about all the drugs I take because I found a super-ninja-pill-disguiser that will allow me to masquerade as a normal, healthy adult. CHECK IT OUT!
Look. This is a normal, run-of-the-mill Nalgene water bottle, right? It shows I’m a little hard core and like to stay hydrated. That’s it. Nothing to see here – move along people.
You’re probably sitting there at your computer thinking, “Wow, what a boring water bottle. Who writes about water bottles? I’m clicking on a different post.” But wait! Watch this witchery! Out of nowhere, BAM – there’s a false cap! It has four pill compartments hiding in what looks like an otherwise normal lid.
*thunderous applause, gasps, and how-did-she-do-thats*
It’s like they hired Houdini to work for Nalgene, and he made my pills disappear. I’m so happy.
Now I’ll have my pills with me wherever I go. This means no missing doses, no worrying about having a panic attack while I’m in the woods (or anywhere!), and no trying to hide away from people while fumbling with incriminating orange bottles. There will be no more awkward questions! If someone sees my false top (which, HA, would be ridiculous because it’s VIRTUALLY INVISIBLE), I can just say, “Oh, I keep vitamins and stuff in there.” I’ll put one vitamin in so that it’s not a lie. They don’t need to know that “and stuff” means “the cocktail of drugs that keeps my head from exploding all over this frickin forest.”
It’s like I’m crazy, but I’m secretly crazy. I’m very excited about this water bottle. It’s so amazing that I feel I should make a speech in honor of this marvelous invention. I know! Let’s toast to it. Are you holding a beverage? Find a beverage. Please hold it up to your screen in a toasting fashion. I’m holding up my water bottle to you, dear reader. Let’s toast to secrets being kept for as long as we want them kept secrets, and to places (like the mountains) that make life infinitely more worth living.