What can I do with dozens of empty pill bottles?
The possibilities are endless. Don’t ask me why I have dozens of empty pill bottles. I have no explanation. I swear I throw them away, yet they still end up in all corners of my house. Maybe they’re reproducing. I find them everywhere. My nightstand is FULL of pill bottles in various states of emptiness. The other day I found an old green pill bottle from 2010 and thought, “Awww…my very first Prozac prescription. How cute.”
I have issues.
I wish there was a pill bottle fairy who would come scoop up old pill bottles and trade them for money. Surely old pill bottles would be more useful than baby teeth?
I decided to find out all the uses for old pill bottles, hoping I could stumble upon something inspiring to do with my army of plastic cylinders. I went to Google images and typed in “uses for old pill bottles.” Here were some of my favorites (with my own commentary, of course):
This one is actually a good idea (one of the very few I found). Dig a hole, plant a pill bottle, and keep a house key in it. Just remember which rock it’s under. Also, I might actually leave a Xanax or two in the pill bottle, because if I forgot my keys again then it’s probably a Xanax sort of day.
Deck the halls with proof that you’re sick, Fa-la-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la. People will think your brain is a brick, Fa-la-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la.
You can use them as party favors! It’s the absolute perfect choice if you don’t really like your friends. You can creep them all out so they’ll never come to your parties ever again. Finally – peace and quiet!
You could make this…..thing. I have no idea what this is. I don’t have any clue why someone put this online. I say throw it in a science fair and see what happens. Weirder things have won prizes at science fairs.
This is a cool idea. My earbuds always ensnare the contents my purse into a wiry mess. This would keep them separate and relatively tame. I wouldn’t put that girly decoration on the side, though. I’d slap a white label on there that says “YOU CAN’T OVERDOSE ON MUSIC” in black Sharpie. That will make me look hipster and deep.
This one is my personal favorite. I sort of want to do this one day just so when people comment on my beautiful chandelier, I’ll say, “Thank you. I took all of those pills myself. It took ten years of bipolar disorder to make that chandelier.” Then I’ll smile and ask if they’d like a glass of champagne, and they’ll get all squirmy. It could be fun.
After I posted those pictures, I realized Google overlooked some very simple but effective uses, which I will add here now:
Glitter Bomb. As soon as I thought of this, I thought, “BRILLIANT! WHY HAVEN’T I DONE THIS BEFORE?!” Fill a bottle with glitter and keep it in your purse. When you’re at a store and someone is super rude, or when someone takes your parking space and makes you mad – BOOM – glitter bomb. It’s like pepper spray except less aggressive and prettier.
Halloween Treat. Take the labels off so parents can’t track you down, then put white mints in the pill bottles. Hand them out to kids who come trick-or-treating. Look extra crazy and say, “These make you feel reeeeeeeal good, kid…” then dart your eyes around wildly and slam the door in their faces.
Shot glass. Hello…does anyone else think that pill bottles are just the right size to be shot glasses? Unfortunately, you have to shoot 7-Up or whatever since the side of the bottle clearly tells you not to drink alcohol.
Tiny Bowling. Line up ten pill bottles in a triangle, get a good bouncy ball, try to knock them all down in one roll (STRIKE!!), and wonder why you have nothing else better to do on a Saturday night.
Modern Art. Everything’s art, right? I feel like modern art is especially weird, so you could probably throw a pill bottle in that genre. Melt the bottom of the bottle a little bit, call it My Fading Life, and sell it for thousands. Millions, even. It’s art.
There you have it, friends. My top uses for old pill bottles. Let me know if you have any other ideas. Also let if me know if you want to buy a beautiful piece of orange plastic modern art. I’ll cut you a deal for following my blog.